Ok everyone here is the tiny hooman I made. His name is Rex and he is probably the best thing ever? He was born 3/21, 2 weeks early, weighing 8lbs 1 oz and 20.5 inches long (in his onesie! Get it? Baby dick joke!) I'll write a bit more when I've had a bit more sleep but for now just enjoy this relaxing video of Rex getting his hair did for the first time. 💁🏻♂️💆🏻♂️💇🏻♂️
Hey everyone I am alive! Just super busy bc I gave birth to a live human being. Thought this timeless tweet was v fitting for this moment in my life. Anyone wanna see a pic of my cute baby?
Lol ok u think that will stop me plz I am evolved bitch (@commonwhitegirls)
I dunno this seems pretty gay tbh
[insert lazy Gettysburg address reference here that doesn't even make sense but has the word Getty in it and is related to a president]
Shit this is true. 🚬🚬🚬
I'm kinky like that
When a dude mansplains anything to me (@ohmyerotica) #internationalwomensday
V. important news. Please don't judge me but lemon and orange are my favorite Starbust flavors. I know I'm a monster. 😔
Wow this is v rude and v accurate (@hilarioushumanitarian)
This is the sweetest thing I've ever read
4 moodz of the apocalypse
Ashley just give me a ballpark figure for when you're gonna be horny ok?
Every. Got. Damn. Time.
I no longer believe in God after stumbling upon this meme. Y'all need church, temple, a prayer bucket, IDK THIS AINT RIGHT WITH THE LORD!
Please stop what you're doing and look up the @c.syresmith and @vanityfair video bc it will change you as a person for the better.
This is inaccurate bc her hair is pretty much done. I will sit with a tshirt wrapped around my head (never use a towel bc it's bad for my precious curls) for at LEAST 2 hours before even thinking about getting a hairdryer out. And by the time I do get the hairdryer out I gotta re wet my head bc I have unfortunate Cameron Diaz jizz hair and the process starts allllll over again.
Top or bottom...of a cupcake?
How does this make u feel in ur heart?
No one will notice the vomit in my coffee cup and the smell of Fireball wafting out of my pores (@prozacmorris_ / @sideofricepilaf)
It's 4:40 am and I cannot stop watching this
Omg my heart
Supes casz (@carolynduchene)
Why isn't a billboard called a Builboard....?
Holy shit that's the funniest thing I've seen this morning (@sonny5ideup)
*posts mysterious song lyrics*
Oh @cabbagecatmemes ya make me laugh!
Hi kids 👋🏽
Everyone is doing their part. Are you? #RicosRoughnecks (@nick_corirossi_fan_page)
I don't get this meme bc I haven't worked out in 8 months and my body is a floppy fat noodle but I think people who enjoy the gym will appreciate this and I am a selfless memer so here we are. (this one from my boy and a true GTL aficionado @godzillathick)
Melania Trump please help! (@shitheadsteve_)
Wtf r u calling me for? You almost gave me a heart attack. Don't call me unless you're in the damn hospital. Shit. (@carolynduchene x @suckmykicks)
Send this to someone special. Mine is for @prozacmorris_ I love you little girl.
The more you know 💫
Wow why did this make me cry?
Have such a beautiful Valentine's Day!
Never met a family size variety pack of Gushers, Fruit by the Foot, and Fruit Rollups that lasted longer than 2 days in my pantry. (@cabbagecatmemes)