Whoever made these and handed them to me last night - THANK YOU. 😂😂😂
Shouts out to @alexyurcabaza for the artwork. The Water God sees you. #H2Flow
Phx police are straight up pranksters. #BadBoyz
Images of the California fires from space via @astrokomrade
I'm in the documentary I NEED YOU TO KILL out now on iTunes, Amazon and everywhere you can buy and rent movies. It follows @thatchaddaniels @peteleepeteleepetelee and myself doing stand up in Asia a couple years ago. Incredible experience that you can now watch. The great @jelvisweinstein directed it and he's also on #YourMomsHouse today. Also, sorry that I'm so fat in this. #Repost @comedydynam
The Sweater Sold Out so we upped the sweatshirt quality and made a Santa Wears Jeans sweatshirt and just like the sweater, 100% of the profit will go to Children's Hospital Of Los Angeles. Support a great cause and get some new gear! Link in bio to purchase 👆👆
Just trying a couple burgers with my man @seanseaevans #WeOutChea #Westcoast #Eastcoast #Burgers
I'm all up in #Phoenix this weekend. Friday and Saturday are Sold Out so we added a show Thursday. Use the link in my bio for tickets 👆👆
I'm so fired up for College Football today. I got some steaks going and some booze flowin'. I'll see you in Phoenix this Thursday thru Saturday at @standuplive. I'm really feelin my new look. Thanks to @joseph_kennelty for capturing it.
We added women's cut #MachinesWithin shirts to the store. Link in my Bio
I added a show Thursday December 7 at @standuplive in #Phoenix. There are 50 tickets left to the late show Friday and all the others are Sold Out. Use the link in my bio for tix.
The great @madflavors_world joined us on #yourmomshouse this week. It's on YouTube NOW!
You can still get 15% off the rest of the week in my store by using code CYBER15. Go to MerchMethod.com/TomSegura or use the link in my bio ☝️
Aloha! I'll be at the Hawaii Theater December 16. Tickets on sale now. Go to TomSegura.com/tour
My sale continues all week. Use code CYBER15 For 15% off. Go to MerchMethod.com/tomsegura or use the link in my bio 👆👆
Thank you, Los Angeles. See you in a few...
Some days it just doesn't go your way. 😂😂😂 #GoNoles
Big SALE in my store until midnight. Check out the Xmas and #yourmomshouse gear. Use the link in my bio ☝️ and promo code BLKF20 for 20% off. #BIKES #MooseSoup #Glassin
Yo #Phoenix I added a show December 7 at Stand Up Live. Scoop your tickets while you can.
Hi, my name is Bitsy and i want to congratulate my cousin Newton on winning best in show. #everydayimbrusselin #brusselsgriffon
Happy Black Friday! Use code BLKF20 for 20% off storewide today. Go to MerchMethod.com/tomsegura or use the link in my bio. *Code does not apply to Santa Wears Jeans sweater which is a charity item.
Happy Thanksgiving from Los Angeles! #Repost @barstoolsports (@get_repost) ・・・ Thanksgiving week traffic in LA is hell on earth
Machines Within! Machines Within! F The Haters! Available now in my store. Use the link in my bio 👆👆
Tonight I’m at the Fox in Riverside. Some tickets left you can get at box office or thru link in my bio☝️. Saturday I’m at the Wiltern in LA. They released 50 tickets - that’s it. Will be completely Sold Out. Get em while you can. 🙌
If you have Born To Fuck tatted on your puss, I’m still down, but I’m taking precautions. New #YourMomsHouse is up now!
Do you REALLY like eating ass or you just talkin that big game?
Saturday November 25 I’m playing the Wiltern in Los Angeles. There are less than 200 tickets left. Scoop one up by using the link in my bio ☝️☝️
New episode is up now! #yourmomshouse
Next month 2 nights in Phoenix. Early show Saturday is SOLD OUT. Early Friday will Be next. Get tix using the link in my bio ☝️☝️
#RESPECT Wutang is for the children. RIP Peanut the Kidnapper. Big baby Jesus. #Repost @raekwon (@get_repost) ・・・ 13 yrs u been away ! And I still look at u as the boss. Thankyou ! .... that's all I can say. Rest well brother #asonunique R.I .P
Riverside, I’ll be all up in you November 22nd. Use the link in my bio for tickets ☝️☝️
Wow I’m real proud of g for being EOTY. Love, t #Repost @garthbrooks (@get_repost) ・・・ You’ve made me feel like the EOTY all tour long! Thank YOU!!! love, g #CMAawards
Farewell, NYC. Hope to see you soon.
Buffalo! The venue just released 40 tickets. Get em while you can! Use the link in my bio for direct access☝️☝️
#tbt been holdin my dick since ‘96 😭😭😭 PS - the 69 wasn’t a 69 joke. It was the biggest Jersey our team had and I needed it 😂
I love how much @martinriese has educated me about water and I love doing these tastings with him. It’s something we all drink every day and this is such a fun way to explore it. Try different waters! They’re different I swear! I’m the H2O God - I know what I’m saying. Minerals matter, bruh! #Repost @martinriese (@get_repost) ・・・ Wondering what we tasted on Your Mom’s House Podcast with Tom Segura
Always great to see @martinriese On #yourmomshouse Thanks to the listeners for giving him such a warm welcome! 😭😭